Sunday, 5 April 2015

Do I Expect Too Much?

After reading this post on Slouching Towards Thatcham's blog, I asked myself the question. Do I Expect too much from the boys?

Upon reflection I have to say yes! Now I could attempt to justify this in a number of different ways, but I won't. Suffice to say I had a completely different upbringing compared to them. Either by nature or nurture I behave the way I do.

I will give you some examples.

  1. Expecting them to keep their rooms tidy. 
  • Not a day goes by that I don't utter the phrase "Your room is a mess" to my eldest. Is this a surprise? He is 11. Aren't all 11 year old boys messy by nature?
  • At that age I was in a boarding school for emotionally disturbed boys. We were strictly regimented, and cleaning and keeping our bed spaces tidy was a necessity.
     2.  Expecting them to put dirty dishes into the dishwasher rather than the sink.
  • If I was an 11 or 10 year old, I'd leave my plates on the counter or sink. When I had a flat of my own before meeting herself, dishes were often left on the counter or in the sink. Then washed in one go before bed.
     3.  Getting frustrated when they leave shoes under the stairs.
  • Why? I take my shoes off at the door and leave them on the stairs, under the stairs or on the mat at the front door. Why are they any different. My excuse. I'm in an out all the time.
    4,   Wondering why if they are hungry they don't go to the kitchen and make a sandwich.
  • I often complain about the mess they leave behind after making themselves a bit of toast or a sandwich. Why would they do it themselves only to be given out to.
    5.   Perhaps the biggest thing. Not having the desire to do things for themselves.
  • As stated earlier I was in a boarding school. We had to do things for ourselves. Polish our own shoes for school. Iron my own uniform for Army Cadets. Make my own drinks outside of meal times etc.

I was very independent from an early age. I'm guessing this was due to my abandonment and future adoption. I wanted to do everything for myself. To this day I have trouble letting others assist. When baking with the kids, instead of supervising and assisting them. I demonstrate. When I do let them, I'm constantly them to go careful, don't make a mess. Even reading this as I write I am beginning to see that in situations when I could let them do things themselves I don't!
Is it any wonder they are reluctant to do things for themselves.

Now I can see the error of my ways I  can adjust. After all they are only 11, 10 and 6. There is plenty of time for them to learn. Perhaps for now I should be happy that when asked to assist with chores around the house they do. 

 I wonder if I can go a day without shouting "Your room is a mess!" 

Do you think I'm right? Should I relax more?
The Dad Network


  1. Good luck with this. I am very interested to hear how you get on and how the children feel about the changes. Thanks for linking up #bigfatlinky

  2. You can't change who you are, it might even be that you're just naturally an organised person. I'm the same with my ex hubby, I expect him to do things that I do, when actually a lot of my standards are high. I sometimes blame the mental health thinking maybe it's because I've lost control in the past I have to hold onto whatever control I can, and housework is a major one. But then I think maybe I'm just an organised person myself.
    Really good post, thank you for sharing x

  3. I certainly will Al.

    Ally I think some of it is that I have my little way of doing things and get anxious if "thrown off track" Another part is def the mental health issues.

  4. Good luck. I have a 15 yr old girl who is a complete slob. Its an ongoing process

  5. It's definitely a difficult one. You've adapted to things one way and they another. I can completely relate to this though. I tried to relax more but found myself bottling more bits in. So it can go both ways. If you can properly relax and go with the flow great.

  6. Thanks for all the comments. I made it through one day without saying "Your rooms a mess" that was due to avoidance and being busy cooking Easter dinner and trip to the park.

  7. Hello, thanks for linking up a great post. Next time you link, please remember to comment on both the hosts post as well as 2 others :)