Monday 11 May 2015

Abandonment and Adoption



Over the weekend there were news reports of a new born baby girl being abandoned in County Kildare. Read about it here



Appeals were put out, on social media, for a foster home for the little girl. This resulted in hundreds of people offering to take in and raise the child as their own.

Now don't get me wrong I am sure they are in the main genuine people. This however is part of my problem with adoption.

If for example, in my case, being left at the train station with my 18 month old sister at 3 years old. Would there have been as many people offering to give me a home. A 3 year old red headed boy? I doubt it.

I've never asked my adopted mother why they chose us to adopt, I do make a joke that they wanted the cute baby girl and I came with her as a package.

Abandonment affects children in many different ways. I have many issues and mental health problems caused by my abandonment and adoption.

I've met my birth mother. Again I never asked why we were left behind? What made her take our older brother and leave us behind? My mother had gone back to Ireland. She had used different names etc. My adopted parents and social services were able to locate my mother to get the adoption papers signed. Why couldn't they find her to see why she had left us. Offer her help and support so we could rresure
 with her.

So please whilst I'm sure your intentions are good. Let's try to reunite this child with her mother first before we start talking about a forever home. Give her mother help and support so she can raise her daughter. You can take it from me. She doesn't want to be "The girl found in a bin liner"


13 comments:

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    1. #BabyPink teething will link up as soon as I get a chance

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  2. Yes it would be a lot better to give the mother the help she needs to raise the baby before finding a foster home for 'Maria'. Sadly, I don't think the mother will come forward with such a spotlight on her and the fear she will be in trouble for leaving her. I just hope the baby goes on to have a happy life, surrounded by people who love her.

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    1. Yes I agree whoever she is will now be too afraid to come forward. We will never know what caused her to abandon the child and therefore be unable to attempt to stop it happening.

      Thanks very much for commenting.

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    2. I didnt know there was a call put out looking for foster homes. That's highly inappropriate. Surely she should be handled the same as any other foster child situation. And I agree the mother will be way too frightened to come forward now but maybe, I hope, the mom will get the help she needs and come forward when the hype dies down.
      Regarding your own story Alan, it's so brave of you to share this private info with us. You must find yourself making up a million different scenarios

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    3. I thought it strange. Popped up on my FB last night.
      As for my story. Maybe posting it is therapy in one way.
      Thanks for reading and commenting.

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  3. Really powerful post, very honest and open and important for people to understand the different ways in which children come to adoption. There is definitely much more to be done for mothers who struggle, as yours did. Thanks for linking to #WASO

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  4. Really powerful post, very honest and open and important for people to understand the different ways in which children come to adoption. There is definitely much more to be done for mothers who struggle, as yours did. Thanks for linking to #WASO

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  5. Thanks for commenting and reading. If it makes one mother think twice before placing their child for adoption then it was worth it.

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  6. This is such a powerful piece, and I agree that reunification should definitely be considered first. If that isn't possible, I'm also a little uneasy about the masses that come forward wanting to adopt a baby when there is a story in the news. I worry that they are just seeing the story and acting quickly without thinking it through. It seems wiser that a child be placed with a family who is already waiting rather than one of hundreds that comes forward after seeing a news story that pulls at their heart.

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    1. Thank you so much for reading and commenting.
      Your comment shows the point I was trying make came out in the post.

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  7. I believe that all children are better off with their birth family if at all possible, even though I am an adoptive Mom. The goal of foster care should be family reunification first, not finding her a new home.

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    1. As with Erin's comment above your comment shows my ramblings aren't quite as bad as I thought.

      It seems in this day and age people are too quick to consider adoption and not enough time is spent trying to assist parents in keeping and raising the child themselves.

      It is nothing against adoptive parents, the scars being put up for adoption leave, especially on older children never really heal.

      Thanks for taking time to read and comment.

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