I was watching Dr. Phil this morning. There was an Anorexic lady on, whose family were trying to get her help. To show her what could happen, the mother of another anorexic girl who had taken a seizure and ended up severely brain damaged, purely because of what anorexia had done to her body. Came on the show with her daughter.
It was terrible to see what that poor mother now had to go through on a daily basis because of that terrible illness.
It got me thinking.
From the minute #BabyPink was born all the comments about her relate to looks.
"Oh she's beautiful" "Look at her gorgeous red hair" "She is going to break hearts"
I myself am guilty of this too. I often pick her up and say "Who's Daddy's pretty girl?" Dress her in a new outfit and immediately comment "Look at you in your pretty clothes"
I never did this with her brother. It was always "Who's Daddy's big boy" "How's my little man?" "You're a superstar" now its just "My little Buddy"
Nothing related to looks at all.
In this modern world women have enough to contend with without thinking success is based on looks. Yet here I am. #BabyPink is not even 6 months old yet and most of the positive comments relate to looks.
Even Disney have a lot to answer to in relation to this. Snow White is wanted dead by the evil queen because she is prettier than her. Cinderella is the one the prince wants not her "Ugly" stepsisters.
TV shows are the same, the bigger girls are always funny, the best friend, the shoulder to cry on, the nerd. Never the lead, the object of desire.
I want #BabyPink to be happy just the way she is. Not worried because she doesn't look like an airbrushed model in a magazine. Constantly weighing herself, wondering will boys want to go out with her because she doesn't think she is pretty enough.
So, I won't be calling her "My pretty girl" anymore! She will get compliments, just not ones based on looks.
What can we do as parents to fight against advertising, marketing and Hollywood?Who tell us and our daughters that to be happy and successful they must be pretty!
photo credit: via photopin (license)
Brilliant post, Alan.
ReplyDeleteBeauty is put on an unachievable pedestal and #Babypink should grow up knowing her success won't depend on it. It will be a great experience for her to be treated as an equal to her brothers and not have to be "treated as a girl" or have the privileges that being a girl brings to the table either.
Welcome back to the blogosphere and I hope to read many more of your posts in the coming future. Good luck getting back up and running and may it be one long journey full of endless wonder.
Lari | www.simplyelegancebylari.com
Thanks for reading and the lovely comment Lari. I grew up having an Aunt who worked in the Oil industry in Louisiana in the 80's and a Scientist for a Mother.
DeleteIt seems that in general attitudes to women and their bodies haven't improved at all.
Sadly I would agree with you there.
DeleteWomen have gained a few things since the 80's but even today they are still payed less than their male counterpart and firms excuse it as "lack of experience" or some such.
In an ideal world men and women would learn to treat each other as equals but I don't see that occurring for a long time. There is much to be improved upon, too many battles to be won.
The frightening thing is that the girls of today seem more body conscious than ever before.
DeleteHopefully #BabyPinks generation will be the ones to bring a change in this.
I think it's just one of those things that people say you're baby is gorgeous (girl or boy) because there's not much else to comment on when they are only a couple of weeks old. I agree though that's important to move away from this as they get older. I think it's important to teach children from an early age that beauty is relative and not really all that important in the big scheme of things :) #wineandboobs
ReplyDeleteDebbie
www.myrandommusings.blogspot.com
I agree with you there. I think its more I don't want it to become a habit with me. If I make the conscious effort to stop now. When she is older and it could be an issue I won't be doing it.
DeleteIts terrible that here she is 6 months old and I'm even having to think about things like this.
Thanks for reading and commenting.
I liked this post. BabyPink will have her hands full with 3 older brothers~gulp~I can't wait to follow along especially since mine are grown and out of the house.
ReplyDeleteGrandmaRose56.blogspot.com
The 6 year old is very close to her. It'll be interesting to see if it stays that way once she's walking and talking and taking his things. Lol
DeleteThanks for reading and commenting.
Great post!Not really given it much thought before.I call my 3 year old daughter "my baby girly" I totally agree with you though!She said (after a big meal) the other day that she had a fat tummy and it really made me cringe x
ReplyDeleteI hadn't given it much thought either. I just seemed to always refer to her as my pretty girl. It was only after watching the Dr. Phil episode I realised it.
DeleteI'm dreading the day #BabyPink says anything like that. I want her to be happy and healthy. Whatever way she looks.
Thanks so much for reading and commenting
I try really hard not to put an emphasis on these types of things in my house but I have no idea whats going to happen once they get around their peers. I have a 3 year old girl who loves everything girly and a 4 year old girl who is a tomboy in her own right and doesn't care much for the color pink. They are like night and day but 11 months apart. Great post Alan!
ReplyDeleteYes that is the fear. It seems in this day and age once they leave the safety of the home anything can be said. Kids can be so cruel.
DeleteWith three brothers there's every chance she'll be a tom boy, but you never know.
Thanks for taking time to read and comment.
I love your post! I don't have daughters but when I was trying to have a girl I had these worries because I was raised in a home where the boys were more valued than the girls so I wondered what I was going to do. How to raise a girl to be strong, independent, and confident in who she is can be a challenge. I have a 15 year old niece who is beautiful, smart, funny, and has some really great friends of both genders but her father and step-mother have no problem telling her when she's gained a few pounds and they aren't nice about it. My sister (her mother) goes to great lengths to combat those nasty comments. I'm glad to see a father who is making a conscious choice to raise his daughter with confidence. Good for you!
ReplyDeleteThanks so much for taking the time to read and comment. sorry its taken soo long to reply.
DeleteAs with all babies she is a bit chubby at the moment and I keep telling her brothers not to refer to her as chunky, chubby, fat etc. I know they don't mean it, but it just takes them to think its ok and one day when she does understand can have serious consequences.
I don't know if I'm going a bit OTT but since she came along my head is working overtime on things than can and can't be done.
I'm working on a new post Why My Daughter Won't be a Tomboy!
Good one! I remember reading something about this issue on Scary Mommy a few months ago.
ReplyDeleteIt's important that our children's self worth and perception on of themselves isn't linked to their looks. However, I still question question whether the route to take is not to comment on it at all.
I've commented on my little boy's look since he was born without much thought and even now I feel okay with it in a way that perhaps I wouldn't if he was a girl based on the looks commenting concerns. I'm however more conscious about the importance of doing all I can, to make sure they don't link their value to something as temporary as looks.
Thanks so much for highlighting this very important issue; so lovely #BabyPink has a dad like you watching out for her in this way :-) #CommentLuv
Yes I've been thinking recently that avoiding a subject is nearly as bad as making it a big deal.
DeleteThe biggest issue I've discovered is its not what us as parents do. The media and role models can do so much damage.
I guess all any of us parents can do is try to instil self confidence and good self esteem in our children, be they boys or girls.
Teach them to be kind to others and hope they have the tools to cope with the world.
Thanks so much for reading and commenting.